#4 : On Growing Up
Hi there dear reader,
It's Friday, time to sit down and do some writing. I hope you're having a great week so far! As always I hope this space provides you with comfort. As you might have noticed, there was no post this past Tuesday. I've decided that from now on I will only post only on Friday's, mainly because writing these posts takes more time than I initially expected (Figure 1). I'm thinking about starting a separate page on this blog for daily thoughts for the more spontaneous moments. I'll see how it goes.
Anyways, today I want to talk about growing up. This particular theme came up during a meditation session, where I swam through my subconscious thoughts. I found many thoughts, but the thought of growing up was one of the dominant themes in my subconscious. At a closer inspection, I found that thought to be tied to quite a bit of fear. But how? A big part of being a child is looking forward to grow up like those around you, right?
Before I continue, I think it's important to note an insight I also gained from meditation.
With that insight, I meditated some more, and saw the following beliefs tied to that thought:
- Belief# 1 : Loss of childhood optimism and creativity
- Belief #2 : Fear of becoming average, never reaching potential.
- Belief #3 : Feeling of loss for the past
- Belief #4 : Approach to Death
The fear of growing up is paralyzing because it's always happening. I knew I had to change this belief system, so I started looking into how to change those beliefs.
Belief #1 : Loss of childhood optimism and creativity:
I was confused about this one at first. How could I lose my childhood optimism and creativity? And if I do, is it a good thing or a bad thing? I think this belief is reflective of how being an adult introduces certain realities about the world, creating a sense of choice between reality and creativity. You're not looking at the world from a child's point of view anymore, you're looking at what the news tells you. You're looking at what social media tells you. You're looking at what your circumstances tell you. You're looking at what your bank account tells you. You're looking at everything BUT what your inside tells you.
While living in Ecuador, the country faced one of the worst monetary crisis in it's history. At the time I was fascinated by the miniature electric cars that the rich kids drove. What did I do? I grabbed some old tires from a junk, two old skateboards, a Razer scooter and some rope. I built myself a dam car (Figure 3), I didn't ask anyone for permission or for money. This has always been a part of me, but can you do that in adulthood?
But does realism really take away from my inherent optimism and creativity? On closer inspection, I see that realism and optimism/creativity are not choices, you don't chose to be either or the other. You don't lose one with the gain of another. Realism acts only as a constraint to our creativity, and as a test to our optimism. Realism is a canvas that allows us to focus on what's important, and get a better use of our talents.
Belief #2 : Fear of becoming average, never reaching potential:
Like most of you, I want to make a difference. I want to leave this world better when I leave it. However, I found that this kind of thinking can get to you. You start being hyper aware of where you are, what others are doing, the impatience and anxiety grows as time goes on, and you start doubting that you can do it.
As cliche as it sounds, I've come to realize that this belief comes from our focus on the destination and not the journey. We feel average now, and we think we will be average forever. We feel fear now, we think we will be fearful forever. We are so impatient on getting to where we want to go that we forget what we have to do in the present. Ironic how the fear of being average itself will eventually lead to never reaching your potential.
Simon Sinek and Gary Vaynerchuk are absolutely right about the need to execute patience as a belief. (Figure 4)
Belief #3 : Feeling of loss for the past:
This belief goes close to losing childhood optimism and imagination. The feeling of loss originated from the coming of something new, in this case adulthood. You'll never be 18 to 22 again right? This was specially tough on me because FIU gave me by far the best four years of my life. The idea that it was over and that I will never experience those years ever again paralyzed me. Would the next few years be as good as the past four? Fear started setting in.
I confirmed this belief from watching Pixar's Inside Out a few days ago. There's a scene in the movie where the protagonist's imaginary friend sacrifices himself and his magic cart in order to get Joy to the control room. For me it symbolized the death of our old self, in order to make for the new. I broke down in tears, I too felt that sense of loss. (Figure 5)
However, the movie showed me the positive side of this. Emotional maturity takes place when we are able to process that loss and the emotions that come with it. The old propelled the new into where it needed to be. It's important to see these as memories to cherish, not memories to replicate or depend on. Once we accept this, then we can tackle the present with what we've built from the past.
Belief #4 : Approach to Death:
I think this belief is the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. This is analogous to when someone at a birthday party says "You're one year closer to death". Man that's a pretty intense thing to say. Anyways, after graduation I found myself being hyper aware of my age and how much I have left to live. I'm currently 22, so I brought out my calculator and figured that I'm around 25% done, then I thought to myself "Am I really that far in?". Time flies, how many weeks left? What if time flies faster? When will death come? Fear sets in amongst the uncertainty.
I will write a whole blog post about this particular topic at a later date, but for now I think it's important to recognize what our individual relationship with death is. Some of the greatest minds of our time made death a central part of their philosophy. Look at Steve Jobs, Elon Musk and Jeff Bazos, they all have the primary goal to reduce regret by the end of their lives.
What I learned from them is that we have to accept death as part of our lives instead of rejecting it or controlling it (Figure 6). Accepting that our lives will end at some point gives us the perspective we need to enjoy every day we step on this planet. It also pushes us to think about how we use our time and who we spend it with. Consider this blog as part of this acceptance.
Today's post was pretty lengthy and vulnerable. I could write whole blog posts on each individual belief, but I think that it'll be useful to look at this in a big picture. If there is anything I'd encourage you to do dear reader, is to try meditating and to identify where your beliefs and thoughts. I think we all individually deserve to give ourselves the time we need and identify what our thoughts, beliefs and values are in order to build a more meaningful life. We are all different and the earlier, the better. Changing beliefs is a tough and tedious process.
See you next Friday!
~ NoChillNerd
It's Friday, time to sit down and do some writing. I hope you're having a great week so far! As always I hope this space provides you with comfort. As you might have noticed, there was no post this past Tuesday. I've decided that from now on I will only post only on Friday's, mainly because writing these posts takes more time than I initially expected (Figure 1). I'm thinking about starting a separate page on this blog for daily thoughts for the more spontaneous moments. I'll see how it goes.
Figure 1 : Seriously?
Before I continue, I think it's important to note an insight I also gained from meditation.
Thoughts are nothing without beliefs
This means that our thoughts are largely produced and reinforced based on core beliefs (Figure 2). Thoughts are a result, they are not part of us. Beliefs, however, part of us and are a result of habits, environment, and lifestyle. I'll probably write a blog post about this a later date.
Figure 2 : What if all your thoughts are Memes?
With that insight, I meditated some more, and saw the following beliefs tied to that thought:
- Belief# 1 : Loss of childhood optimism and creativity
- Belief #2 : Fear of becoming average, never reaching potential.
- Belief #3 : Feeling of loss for the past
- Belief #4 : Approach to Death
The fear of growing up is paralyzing because it's always happening. I knew I had to change this belief system, so I started looking into how to change those beliefs.
Belief #1 : Loss of childhood optimism and creativity:
I was confused about this one at first. How could I lose my childhood optimism and creativity? And if I do, is it a good thing or a bad thing? I think this belief is reflective of how being an adult introduces certain realities about the world, creating a sense of choice between reality and creativity. You're not looking at the world from a child's point of view anymore, you're looking at what the news tells you. You're looking at what social media tells you. You're looking at what your circumstances tell you. You're looking at what your bank account tells you. You're looking at everything BUT what your inside tells you.
While living in Ecuador, the country faced one of the worst monetary crisis in it's history. At the time I was fascinated by the miniature electric cars that the rich kids drove. What did I do? I grabbed some old tires from a junk, two old skateboards, a Razer scooter and some rope. I built myself a dam car (Figure 3), I didn't ask anyone for permission or for money. This has always been a part of me, but can you do that in adulthood?
Figure 3 : Quito is filled with steep hills ;)
But does realism really take away from my inherent optimism and creativity? On closer inspection, I see that realism and optimism/creativity are not choices, you don't chose to be either or the other. You don't lose one with the gain of another. Realism acts only as a constraint to our creativity, and as a test to our optimism. Realism is a canvas that allows us to focus on what's important, and get a better use of our talents.
Belief #2 : Fear of becoming average, never reaching potential:
Like most of you, I want to make a difference. I want to leave this world better when I leave it. However, I found that this kind of thinking can get to you. You start being hyper aware of where you are, what others are doing, the impatience and anxiety grows as time goes on, and you start doubting that you can do it.
As cliche as it sounds, I've come to realize that this belief comes from our focus on the destination and not the journey. We feel average now, and we think we will be average forever. We feel fear now, we think we will be fearful forever. We are so impatient on getting to where we want to go that we forget what we have to do in the present. Ironic how the fear of being average itself will eventually lead to never reaching your potential.
Simon Sinek and Gary Vaynerchuk are absolutely right about the need to execute patience as a belief. (Figure 4)
Figure 4 : You probably saw this already, watch it again
Belief #3 : Feeling of loss for the past:
This belief goes close to losing childhood optimism and imagination. The feeling of loss originated from the coming of something new, in this case adulthood. You'll never be 18 to 22 again right? This was specially tough on me because FIU gave me by far the best four years of my life. The idea that it was over and that I will never experience those years ever again paralyzed me. Would the next few years be as good as the past four? Fear started setting in.
I confirmed this belief from watching Pixar's Inside Out a few days ago. There's a scene in the movie where the protagonist's imaginary friend sacrifices himself and his magic cart in order to get Joy to the control room. For me it symbolized the death of our old self, in order to make for the new. I broke down in tears, I too felt that sense of loss. (Figure 5)
Figure 5 : Pixar is a truly magical company
However, the movie showed me the positive side of this. Emotional maturity takes place when we are able to process that loss and the emotions that come with it. The old propelled the new into where it needed to be. It's important to see these as memories to cherish, not memories to replicate or depend on. Once we accept this, then we can tackle the present with what we've built from the past.
Belief #4 : Approach to Death:
I think this belief is the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. This is analogous to when someone at a birthday party says "You're one year closer to death". Man that's a pretty intense thing to say. Anyways, after graduation I found myself being hyper aware of my age and how much I have left to live. I'm currently 22, so I brought out my calculator and figured that I'm around 25% done, then I thought to myself "Am I really that far in?". Time flies, how many weeks left? What if time flies faster? When will death come? Fear sets in amongst the uncertainty.
I will write a whole blog post about this particular topic at a later date, but for now I think it's important to recognize what our individual relationship with death is. Some of the greatest minds of our time made death a central part of their philosophy. Look at Steve Jobs, Elon Musk and Jeff Bazos, they all have the primary goal to reduce regret by the end of their lives.
What I learned from them is that we have to accept death as part of our lives instead of rejecting it or controlling it (Figure 6). Accepting that our lives will end at some point gives us the perspective we need to enjoy every day we step on this planet. It also pushes us to think about how we use our time and who we spend it with. Consider this blog as part of this acceptance.
Figure 6 : I wrote this on a Surface, still love you Steve <3
Today's post was pretty lengthy and vulnerable. I could write whole blog posts on each individual belief, but I think that it'll be useful to look at this in a big picture. If there is anything I'd encourage you to do dear reader, is to try meditating and to identify where your beliefs and thoughts. I think we all individually deserve to give ourselves the time we need and identify what our thoughts, beliefs and values are in order to build a more meaningful life. We are all different and the earlier, the better. Changing beliefs is a tough and tedious process.
See you next Friday!
~ NoChillNerd
